Jan 18, 2012

Saturn in Libra Lessons

Astrologers have been inundated the last year with questions from people with Libra planets - about their relationships. Mostly the stories we hear are of couples that are barely compatible, with one or the other partner trying to force the relationship to happen. Often it's a situation where the "couple" have already broken up, and the other partner is hoping the estranged lover will magically "return". It can also be a situation where there are legal entanglements, and one partner is using that to force the other to do certain things.

Saturn is in Libra now and until next October – and is trying to make us more mature in our relationships. Saturn says "get your act together" and  "follow the laws and rules". A lot of the people with the worst problems right now were born with Pluto in Libra in the 1970' and early 1980's. These folks are going to have their most intense experiences through relating or being in a marriage-type relationship. Unfortunately in many cases they already know this – and use the Pluto energy to try and force others into submission. That's not love - that's something else, and it isn't going to get any better by applying more force. Saturn is conjuncting their Pluto's forcing them to grow up.  It's not fun, and it's not easy.

The other tough cases are ones with Saturn in Libra natally, who are having their Saturn returns now. These people go back and forth (Libra can never make up it's mind) and are on-and-off quite miserable right now in their relationships.  People born in 1981 and 1982 are having the worst of it since they were born with both Saturn AND Pluto in Libra, AND they're having their Saturn returns at the same time Saturn is going over their Plutos.  Yikes. If you're in a relationship with one of these folks now, give them lots of room for acting out, changing their minds, etc.  It's one of the toughest times in their lives for them.  Don't worry – this too shall pass.

All these folks take a moment to take a step back, and learn about their topic first, and approach the subject of relationships in a more Saturnian (rational, methodical) manner. There are specific things you can do improve your love life. The two main things:

1 - Learn relationship skills (because it's not easy, even with your perfect soulmate because you'll still be stuck in the material world)

2 - Find the right person (which you can learn how to do)

If you don't find the right person - all the skills in the world won't make it work. And if you find the right person, but you haven't skills to keep the relationship afloat - that won't work either.

Find out what the laws and rules of love are. I recommend for women to read Christian Carter - Catch Him and Keep Him, and Paige Parker's - Dating Without Drama. Those 2 books plus Kathryn Alice's Love Will Find You (great for men too) are great guides. If you're in a relationship that is difficult (if you find the right person... it's not as difficult) read It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken: The Smart Girl's Break-Up Buddy by Greg Behrendt

So if you're not in a serious relationship now, don't beat yourself up. Poorly matched couples are having a tough time of it, and should just give up and take some time out. Saturn in Libra is Time to get serious about partners. If you're in a relationship now that is barely surviving – do yourself a favor and move on. Take a break, educate yourself, and use the methods out there to find a compatible mate, and don't forget to learn how to be a compatible mate.

23 comments:

  1. I'm glad to see your blog today (and for the first time!). I have been in this long on-again-off-again dance with someone I truly love who is much younger than me... I always have to let go when he has deep doubts (stellium in Libra that hits many sensitive midpoints between my stelliums in Virgo and Scorpio). It happened again last weekend (the yo-yo) and while each return (he always returns) brings with it deeper, fuller intimacy, the letting go (for me) when required, still proves emotionally arduous and painful. It is, though, the right thing to do.

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  2. Hi Lee, thanks for the comment! My heart goes out to everyone dealing with the difficult side of this transit right now. Yes the letting go is very hard, yet it is the secret. If he truly is yours - he will return. Best of luck to you in this! -Nancy

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  3. Nancy, your article really helped me release my anger toward a man that just ended our 4 year relationship because he does not know what he wants and have told me that he felt 'insecure' with our relationship although we love each other very much...he told me he wished that he was ready for me, but is not. I just learned that he has both Saturn and Pluto in Libra!
    In knowing this, does this mean he was experiencing this the whole time of our relationship for the last 4 years that started in 2009? or just recently? do you think he can see things clearly once this saturn in libra transit is over in october?

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  5. Hi Anonymous - the general rule of thumb with guys like yours is: your hanging on to him is, to some extent, what is pushing him away. It's the worst kind of catch-22. Even if you pretend to not hang on - psychically he feels it, and it makes him feel "insecure" about the relationship because you are hanging on tighter than necessary. His instincts are telling him that later – you might demand more from him than he has to give.

    "Loving each other very much" is not enough to make a relationship work. For a marriage-type relationship to really really work easily on the physical plane - it must be "meant to be" at some level. The only way at this point you'll find out if that's the case is if you totally let go of him, and he comes back to you on his own. You need to learn to be self-sufficient and happy on your own without him. And no - I don't think things will get better when Saturn leaves Libra, because it's going right into Scorpio – and will just intensify what's already going on.

    At the very least, you need to learn to play "hard to get". He needs to be the one chasing you - or he'll never respect you, and he'll never really commit. As silly as it sounds, you might try reading "The Rules". There are some handy tidbits in there you might find useful.
    Best of luck to you - Nancy

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  6. Hi Nancy, thank you so much for your insight. I know in my heart I need to move on...its been 5 weeks since the breakup and am feeling better towards working on myself. please keep up the amazing post!

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  7. Thank you, Anonymous. I wish you luck!

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  8. Wow it feels like you were speaking right to me and my situation. I feel some relief in knowing that someone understands what I am going through. Thanks for your insight, Nancy.

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    1. Hi Anonymous - Thanks for your comment. Having lived it myself, it's easier to explain. Take comfort in knowing that someday you'll be able to help someone else going through it all.
      Read everything you can on the subject, and follow the advice you find. Hang in there - it gets better if you work on it.
      -Nancy

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  9. OMG! Why???? I am a Pluto and Saturn in Libra and had no idea this was the "curse" I though to have in my love life. If sure does feel like it:-( all this time since 1982 all I ever wanted and dreamed of was love and being with the one and it has just been awful. I have been single forever! So sad a super hopeless romantic like me runs this fate. Nooooooooooo!

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    1. Hi Anonymous- now don't panic! And it's not a fate, it's a hurdle in your life to learn about thoroughly and then overcome. They say "awareness is the first step". Now that you know what you have to deal with, you can begin to fix it. Plus -even when you meet the right one, it's still a lot of work to keep it happening over the years, so you need to have all your tools in place so that you'll make it. Educate yourself as much as you can on your own chart, and on what you can do to be successful, and someday you'll meet the right one. Meanwhile, enjoy the time you have now to yourself, because someday you may miss these days!

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  10. Nancy - I wish I'd read this article BEFORE my SR - but back then I would never have given astrology a second thought... I am also in the throws of my Libra Saturn return - and also subject to the Pluto Libra effects. Natal Saturn is in 12th house, and Pluto in 1st. Frankly, it's been beyond tough for the past few years - I am currently jobless, living between various relatives' spare rooms/sofas, have developed agorophobia, have panic attacks, have had weird health issues and two episodes of love life angst... But, it's also been essential, and I am oddly happier in myself now than ever before. I've discovered a spiritual side I had never been remotely interested in, a new hobby that feels like what I was born to do and could even be a career one day, challenged my father over issues i'd always been too scared to raise and then faced the consequences of his subsequent response, have developed a much stronger sense of who I am and how others influence me, and in romantic antics, realised that I caused all my own pain by being immature, jealous, possessive, impatient and unreasonable. Clearly I still have a whole load of stuff to 'sort out' in the practical sense: steady job, steady home, health, social life and relationships of all kinds. But it's been like Boot Camp - painful, demanding and scary at times, but ultimately has whittled away a lot of things that needed to go, and given me an inner strength I had never needed before, which will equip me for the rest of my life.

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  11. Nancy, this was super helpful. I am a Scorpio with my Saturn in Libra and my Pluto is also in Libra. ... shit has been tough! Everyday I feel as if I am fighting myself, I read my horoscope and my chart and everything is telling me to let go and flow with this time but it is so difficult, I just got dumped by who I believed was the love of my life, he said he needed to be single to get his stuff together and was unhappy in our relationship. I've been on the grad school fence for five years, I've moved 8 times in the past four years and I'm feeling exhausted and now I have an understanding of why I've been having some of my struggles around relationships. I knew I was in my Saturn Return but had no idea that this was the focus! I've been meditating daily and praying for relief. Any book titles that you can suggest on this subject matter would help so much.

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    1. Charmi, so sorry you've had such tough times. Now is just not a happy time for relationships. Mars and Saturn are about to combine they're mutual powers in Libra, and it's just getting harder and harder. The conjunction is in about a week, then it will start to lighten up. Meanwhile, the best books are the ones I mention in the article. Plus - go on Amazon look for books on relationship and look at the ratings. There are many out there. The best advice is just to forget relationships for awhile and learn to do everything for yourself that you think a relationship is going to do for you. I know it sounds corney -but once you are in a long-term relationship, that skill will help you weather the bad times more gracefully. Good luck!

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  12. Nancy I had some other questions besides those pertaining to relationships. Well I'll start off stating that I am 90% libra since I was born in 9/26/1981 with sun, mercury, jupiter, saturn and pluto in libra. Ive been through alot of legal problems and these all came back again on my saturn return. Question is, what exactly can I do to overcome these? I know Ive learned not to make the same mistakes and after reading your article I suddenly realized I had been clinging to an ex I had left 4 years ago. If we acknowledge our mistakes and grow from them will saturn stop choking us so hard?

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    1. HP-yes, of course - when you clean up your mistakes you become a master of that area of life and then benefit from your lessons over and over. Saturn actually brings rewards as you grow older -assuming you get with it's program. Now is the time to just suck it up, and accept that life is a grind right now for awhile, and cross your t's and dot those i's. August is the apex of all of it with Mars and Saturn actually conjuncting in Libra. Get your legal and financial life in order. October Saturn goes into Scorpio and the energy will shift. Just hang on till then!

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  13. Thank you for such an insightful article. I too felt as though my experiences have been so aptly described by somebody unknown to me. I have a question for you though. I am a 1981 born in a relationship with a 1979 born. We met after Saturn entered Libra, and despite a very strong attraction between us and the desire to be together, the two years have been marked by only bumps - one after the other. It felt so many times that forces much larger than us were at play given the enormity of the issues which arose. He, as of four weeks ago, has decided to not want to be in this relationship any longer. I do not feel the same way since I think there is so much potential for what can be between us. I also now see with crystal clarity my shortcomings and how they impacted him and am already in the process of repairing myself. Do you think that such relationships have a chance to take off again in the future? Many thanks!

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    1. All relationships have a "chance" in the future. Whether they're worth it or not - only time will tell.
      Good luck!

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  14. I have my Saturn at 19 degress Libra. How do I know when my Saturn Return will be over? Will it be automatically over when Saturn shifts(today) into Scorpio? It cant be right that I have a shorter return than the average person, right?

    I read that dealing with Saturn conjunct Pluto is hard, but I also read that Saturn conjunct Jupiter is also very hard. I have all three of them conjunct tightly in Libra, 4th house... I have been dealing with a long-standing family issue - since my childhood actually - and I feel heavily bound to help my parents where I can, but I also am fighting this very powerful urge to just leave them. Although they have hurt me very deeply growing up, I cant seem to just drop them(they need my financial help). On top of this, I have realized that I have not really built a solid career for myself - success yes, but actual solid career ground, Im not so sure - and I feel constantly forced to choose between love for my parents or love for myself. I really like to think there is a win-win solution here, but I dont know if its worth searching for still. Its been SO hard to find a balance. Any thoughts?

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    1. Hi Anonymous,
      Congrats! Your Saturn return is pretty much over. Yes, Saturn going into Scorpio today really signals the end of it...not to return to Libra again for a long time. Saturn in Libra is all about finding balance. You need to learn to be content with things being seemingly out-of-balance. Everything in life is constantly changing and readjusting - that's just the way it is, and you'd be happier if you just accepted that. Sounds to me as though you would benefit from a Coda meeting. Look for a meeting at coda.org. They'll help you delineate healthy boundaries.
      Good Luck!

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  15. Nancy, I also wanted to add that on top of my Saturn+Pluto+Jupiter conjunction, those three square my Venus in my 7th. I ended a 6 year relationship in early 2010, and I met someone during the Venus transit in June of this year. But that fizzled after 2 months. Im on my own again, and I think its starting to sink in that relationships arent really for me, especially during this Return phase. Any words of wisdom regarding any of this? Thanks.

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    1. Sadly, relationships are often difficult for many people in their 20's and 30's. That's because you're not really "seasoned" yet. By seasoned I mean: you really know yourself, and know what's important and what isn't. Plus as you get older, you get tired of fighting everything so much, so it makes it easier to get along with someone. My advice to everyone is to not focus on relationships so much. Instead, focus on being the best human being you can be. Give love to all people unselfishly. Heal your relationships with your parents and siblings. Forgive them for whatever you hold against them. Once you build of rhythm of good relationships in every directions - the right partner will fall into place. But until you've reached this point, and you're still blaming and pushing your family away... you'll find your partner relationships mirroring your family relationships.
      Good luck!

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